Test-taking Strategies: Each question, if the test-taker is not already mentally unstable, should be viewed through the eyes of one who is insane. This means that the answer that may be the most conventionally correct choice may not always be the the right one. For Explain Your Reasoning questions, pay close attention to your own writing and be aware this is NOT a standardized test but the ultimate
Credits: This test has been created thanks to the help of the Club Express Poets. Each Poet created at least 1 question,
Multiple Choice Section
A. The process of human fertilization
B. Zeus; Greek God of thunder
C. God
D. Storks
E. The opening of the Gates of Truth, consequentially releasing soon to be Homonculi
F. The ritualistic mating of Cerebrus, the guardian of Hades, and Fenris Fenrir, the eldest son of the Scandinavian God Loki
2. What is the circumference of the Earth? (credit: Aryan)
A.Yo mama
B. I like cheese
C. The combined length of Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee's biceps
D. 4302π = BH if and only if B = infant carcasses and H = height
E. The combined length of the tied intestines of Earth's inhabitants
3. What's black and white with red all over (credit: Aryan)
A. A dead skunk on the side of the road
B. NAACP meets the KKK
C. An obsolete television set sprayed in ketchup from a TV dinner
D. Siberian tiger vs. man with multiple sclerosis
E. An IBM computer running DOS in front of a man with a stump where his head used to be before he realized he was running on 156kb of RAM
4. How old are you? Chose the most correct (credit: Aryan)
A. The number of men you've killed in a given month
B. 20 years old
C. 20 years young
D. If you're born on the 13th of October and your lucky number is 10 you are 23 years old; if this is true, please contact Jim Carey immediately
E. π (Pi)
5. If a tree falls down and no one hears it, did it make a sound? (credit: Aryan)
A. No
B. It depends on your reaction speed and haste to slice the throat of the lumberjack that observed the crime before performing Seppuku, thus leaving no witnesses.
C. Yes, Demetir hears everything, especially the shrill cries of foliage
D. Yes, Lucky has Leprechaun minute-men hidden in the base of every redwood tree whom notify the Elven Counsel of any and all obstructions to the forest
E. Yes because it creates frequencies that make sound even if there are no observers.
6. Finish the sentence: This is MADNESS! Madness? No, ________! (credit: Aryan)
A. this is Sparta (proceeds with kick in a Persian's chest, whom falls into a bottomless pit larger than that of the city of Sparta itself and actually physically impossible to create considering the time era
B. This is Jenga (proceeds with kicking over a stack of Jenga block resulting in children weeping)
C. This is bullshit (spoken after watching the new during year 2000 after voting Democrat in Florida)
7. What is mean and angry when they are seen, but always nice when not seen? (credit: Delayne & Joey)
A. A glass full of honey
B. Fat people
C. Black people
D. Fat black people
E. Fried chicken
8. I like cheese, true of false? (credit: Jimmy)
A. True
B. False
9. What part of the apple is the best? (credit: Jimmy)
A. The core
B. The skin
C. The meat
D. The stem
Short Answer Section
10. "It's better to kill 2 birds with one stone." Assess the validity of this statement using biological, medical, social, and/or historical references to back your reasoning. (credit: Maria)
11. "Feed the homeless to the hungry and your problems are solved." Defend, refute, or qualify this statement. Write specific evidence from your readings of personal experience. (credit: Maria)
12. Explain the significance of your existence and its effect on the world as a whole, then explain the world's significance to the universe, and the universe's significance to the creator(s) of the universe. (credit: DJ)
13. If I die would you care? (credit: Gaby)
14. Explain how to remove your braces with a syringe, machete, and a can opener. (credit: Justin)
6 comments:
1b
2e
3e
4a
5d
6c
7d
8a
9c
10stones like everything else mankind has come into contact with will eventually be a valuable resource, then they will become and endangered species, we will make effort to conserve them, but in the end it wont work. saving the additional stone is a very good step to take seeing as how soon stones will be extinct.
11hungry people (aunt pheobe) are prone to canibalism. hobos (uncle jack) are useless SOB's that dont matter. feeding jack to pheobe would surly cause some disease so this is an amazing way to rid the world of useless hobos and lazy fatasses.
12my existance is to create breathmints. its effect is to change what people exhale and so there is less CO2 being emitted from humans. therefore i am saving the ozone layer. which is vital because it protects the universe from mankinds flaws. the world is a threat to the usefulnes of the univers. america in particular. the universe was made to amuse the one who created it. sort of a hobby or pastime if you will.
13indubitibly so. you are Chan Wook Park, correct? your work has inspired my insanity. i am forever indebted to you.
14use the can opener to remove your lips. they would otherwise be in the way. use the machette to sharpen the syringe into a pointed needle type object, then to remove the glueyshit that holds the braces to your teeth (if need be you can seperate your teeth from your mouth with the can opener 1st, so you can see what you are doing better. then use the now sharpened needlesk syringe like a needle filled with air and inject it into your bloodsteem ending the pain almost instantaniously.
<333icecream
Your Results
On a scale of 1-10.
10 being indubitably insane
You have been rated a: 7.5
A tad crazier than Rosie O'Donnell but not as annoying.
omg aryan....the apple question is sandra's
1. B, definitely
2. E
3. E
4. A
5. C
6. B
7. i refuse to answer this based on its offensiveness
8. A
9. A
10. No.
11. Hmm...it would be hard to find a place to cook all of those homeless people.
12. I am.
13. No, because I don't know "Gaby"
14. use the syringe to inject yourself with some kind of anesthetic, use the can opener to pry them off, and the machete to kill yourself afterward, because the anesthetic clearly did not kick in.
Between 1-10, 10 being just crazy enough to sleep with Chuck Norris' wife, you've received a:
6.66
You're crazier than your average Unibomber but more homicidal than mentally volatile.
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