300

Looks like Hollywood's dished out another Wal-mart bargain-bin disaster.

Director Zack Snyder's "300" made over 70 million dollars in its opening weekend as well as a shit load of letters from disgruntled Iranians who claim to find the film a blatant display of malice towards Persian culture.

In an hour and 57 minutes, one director has seem to cause quite some commotion in the critic world, as well as the rest of the world (yea I know, "rest of the world," quite a concept for us Americans isn't it?)

Anyone can see the symbolism in the film and to put it bluntly, "300" pretty much says "America #1, everyone else sucks the big one"

Snyder somehow took Frank Miller's graphic novel and turned it into a overly patriotic fight between the so-called virtuous defenders of liberty, the Spartans (symbolizing America) and the villainous empire, Persia (Obviously symbolizing Iran, and of course all the other countries in the empire which the movie incorporated, such as Africa, China, and India)

As for historical accuracy, there is little to none. This is to be expected though, since it is a film based off of a fictional graphic novel which is based off a fictional film that inspired Frank Miller as a child (The 300 Spartans) which is based off a nonfictional event in 480 B.C. known as the Battle of Thermopylae.

~Apparently 2nd time isn't the charm for movie remakes

There were no bucktoothed hunchbacks I can assure you, nor were there lobster-claw limbed beasts, and the possibility of a band of 300 soldiers wearing velvet capes and loin-cloths surviving a barrage of arrows from some 100,000 archers of the Persian Army is slim.

~This has got to be a fucking joke

I also doubt that Xerxes was Brazilian and that all of his generals were black. Jesus Christ, look at Xerxes, he looks like he just stepped out of a San Francisco Strip Club, rolled in gold dust, shaved his eyebrows and replaced them with leeches, stuffed his crotch with Kleenex, and pierced his face into a chandelier.

~Xerxes sporting his golden chain-mail thong

The plot consists of the Spartan King, Leonidas, commanding his group of men whom continue to stab, cut, maim, and kick their way through a endless stream of random half-ass CGI characters with no relevance to the situation at all while the King's wife is being raped by a member of the Spartan Senate. Wow, how original.

~one monster who seems to be shitting bricks...literally

Yes yes, Frank Miller did indeed approve of every scene in the movie, but so WHAT? How the hell is he supposed to approve of a scene that is being completely rendered on a computer screen in a warehouse. One scene was filmed outside the warehouse, ONE.

Honestly this movie wasn't that bad, but it definitely doesn't deserve the hype it's getting.

If you're looking for a movie to watch with a friend after going out for dinner, I strongly suggest telling your friend that "Tonight....we dine......in HELL at home"

I'd rate this movie a 3 out of 5